Baby
by AlliPaige
Summary: We all know Dakota Condor. With one little plea to Daddy, "YOU'RE FIRED!"  So when her curious little mind wants to know where babies come from, she corners the Randoms... and Chad.  One-shot


**A/N: I got the idea for this when I was watching SWAC's season 2 episode 1 about SPS. When Tawni was like, "I now give you three seconds to stare at my butt." It got me thinking... and NO, I'm not a perv. Haha! Anyways, hope you guys like it! This is supposed to be after Sonny and Chad broke up, by the way.**

* * *

**Baby**

I, Dakota Condor, want a cookie.

So, naturally, that means that I need one. Now.

"Lawrence!" I screamed the butler's name impatiently. I tapped my foot, clad in my brand new tennis shoes that Daddy bought me. The chubby man came rushing into the room, his gross belly bouncing as he breathed heavily.

"Yes, Miss Dakota?" he asked in that yucky accent of his.

"Cookie. Now," I commanded, pointing towards our big kitchen across the foyer. He nodded vigorously.

"Yes, ma'am," he nodded, running back across the way. I could hear him breathing hard the whole way there. Ew. Has he ever heard of exercise? Or lettuce?

I'm so bored! Ugh! Why couldn't have Daddy gotten the big TV? Fifty inches isn't enough for me. I picked up the remote beside me and flipped channels, my eyes drooping. Man, everything on television is boring, too! UGH!

...Whoa, wait a second.

I flipped the channels back two, and stared in wonder. There was a lady in a hospital bed, crying with a smile on her face. A doctor with gloves on and carrying a bundle approached her, smiling himself.

"_Here is your new, healthy baby girl, Mrs. Taylor," he said, handing the little pile of towels to her. She cried happily, taking the baby with open arms. She pulled the blue wrap down from the baby girl's mouth. The camera zoomed in on the wrinkled, exhausted face of the newborn. It was cute... in a kind of ugly way. But mostly cute._

"_Aw! Hello, beautiful," the mother cooed, looking down at the little thing and kissing her forehead. She looked up to a nearby standing man, eyes shining. "What should we name her, honey?"_

_The man smiled dreamily, a look of relief coming across his once-worried face. "I think we should name her Hannah," he breathed. The woman sighed, looking back down to her little bundle of joy._

"_Hannah," she whispered. A brilliant, tired smile spread. "I love it. Do you like it, sweet pea?"_

_As if the baby could understand what she was saying, a little high-pitched yawn escaped her. The new father and mother watched their new daughter with nothing but indescribable love._

"How sweet," I said softly, eyes wide as I took in the scene. Come to think of it, I wonder if I'll ever have a son or a daughter one day. I know I'm only nine, and it's early to be thinking about that, but I've always dreamed about how pretty my wedding will be. I hope that me and whoever is lucky enough to marry me will have a Little Dakota!

… Come to think of it, _how_ are babies... well, created? Where do they come from? I mean, I think I know that the mommy has the baby inside her stomach for a while, but besides that, I don't know anything.

"Here you are, Miss Condor!" an annoying shout interrupted my thoughts. I bristled in irritation. I turned to see Lawrence waddling in with a plate of warm cookies, a nervous smile on his chubby face. The plate lowered to my line of sight, and it was only moments before I do what I always do at least two times when asking for something: I slapped it from his hands and sent the cookies flying and the plate to the floor. Lawrence jumped back in alarm.

"I wanted _peanut butter_ cookies!" I screamed. "Not chocolate chip!"

"I'm so sorry, Miss Condor! But—but you didn't say that you wanted peanut butter—"

"WHAT? Are you _questioning_ my decision?"

"No—no, Miss Dakota, I was just—"

"With just _ONE_ word, I can get you fired," I smiled sickeningly sweet at him, clasping my hands together in a way that would otherwise be cute if I wasn't chewing him out. "Now go! Peanut butter cookies, now! You don't want for my daddy to hear about this!"

"Of course, Miss—"

"And clean these up," I ordered, motioning to the five cookies scattered around the ground. "If Daddy sees crumbs all over his floor and I tell him who's fault it was, he won't be happy."

I ignored his mumbling and stuttering apologies as he did what I had told him to, my mind drifting back to the thoughts that had originally been in my brain before I was so _rudely_ interrupted.

Now, where was I? Oh, yeah! Where do babies come from? How do they come into existence? Why do they look like the parents? _How_ do they look like the parents? I need to know so when I get old enough, I'll be able to have a cute little Mini Me!

I'll ask Daddy when he comes home, that's what I'll do. Daddy will know. He knows everything there is to know about everything. I just don't get a lot of chances to ask him about stuff, since he's gone working all the time.

As if he could read my mind, I heard a door shut in the foyer nearby and Daddy yelling, like always. I jumped off of the couch I was sitting on and rushed towards the room he was in. As usual, he was screaming into his little phone on his ear, his brows furrowed.

"No! I don't care if he's crying, get the job done! Fire him! One less kook in my studio!"

"Hi, Daddy!" I smiled in delight, running up to him and stretching my arms out in a signal that I wanted to be picked up. He turned to me, face softening.

"Hi, Pumpkin," he grinned. He looked away again, eyebrows knitted. "No, not you! Just do it! Or _you'll_ be the one crying over your job tomorrow!" He pushed a button and turned to me, attitude completely changed. "How was your day, sweetie?"

"It was great," I replied as he hugged me. When he pulled away, I frowned. "Daddy, pick me up!"

"I'm sorry, Dakota, I can't," he shrugged guiltily, putting his hand on his back and wincing. "I'm having back problems, and you're getting so big!"

I shrugged with a scowl on my face. Oh, well. I was used to being put off.

"Oh. It's okay, Daddy. I hope you feel better," I smiled. He kissed my forehead and began walking towards the stairs. Wait! This would be a good time to ask him my question!

"I'm going to go take a shower, angel."

"Daddy, wait!"

"Yes, darling?"

"I was wondering... how are babies made?"

Daddy froze where he was, his body rigid. I heard a messy sound, and discovered that he had been carrying folders full of papers, which was now scattered across the tile floor. He had dropped them in shock. His eyes were wide as he turned to me slowly.

"I'm sorry... _what_?"

"How are babies made, Daddy?"

"How—what—why—what in the world made you think of _that_?" he demanded. He was raising his voice in surprise. I was totally lost. It was just a little question! What's the big deal?

I shrugged harmlessly. "I was watching TV, and saw—"

"WHAT? _What_ did you see?" he demanded, darting to the TV room and shutting it off with unnecessary force. The television wobbled. Even though it was off, he swerved around to face me, arms out, shielding the dark screen.

"I just saw a lady in a hospital bed holding a baby and naming it," I told him quickly, my eyes becoming dreamy. He relaxed and sighed, his arms dropping to his side.

"Oh, phew."

"What? What did you think I saw, Daddy?"

"Nothing!" he said quickly, power-walking back out into the foyer and towards the staircase.

"Where are you going?" I demanded of him. "You didn't answer my question!"

"Dakota Condor," he said sternly, turning around on the stairs to look at me. His face was red for some reason, "I don't want you to ever ask me that question again. Is that understood?"

"But, Daddy, it's just a question!"

"I'll tell you when you're older!"

"Dad—"

"_No_, Dakota! I don't want to hear another word!"

He was up the stairs before I knew it, leaving me standing there, shocked. Anger was rising inside of me. He wasn't telling me. But... I want to know, so I have to know. I _have_ to know! I WANT TO KNOW!

"Miss Dakota, here are your peanut butter cook—"

In pure frustration, I slapped the silver tray and sent it flying out of his hands. The cookies were everywhere once again, and the tray hit the floor with a noisy clatter. I stomped my foot and stormed away, not caring about the upset butler behind me.

I was going to find out.

* * *

I'm coming to work with Daddy today, and I'm sure not to mention anything about babies again. I sat quietly in the car, smiling sweetly at him while he drove the Maserati. Ugh, this is torture. I can't stand acting sweet for such a long period of time. Oh, well! When I get to the studio, I'll make sure to let out all of my built-up anger on the Randoms. I just love that nickname that Chad gave them!

I hopped out of the car and muttered a goodbye to my daddy and ran towards Stage 3, the question in my mind. I WANT TO KNOW ABOUT BABIES!

I skipped into the Prop House, smiling in an evil way when all of the Randoms looked up to see me, panic on their faces. Oh yeah, it's good to be me.

"You," I snapped my fingers, pointing to Nico, "chair. Now." He quickly rushed around the room, getting a little chair out of the corner that is perfect for me. "You—" I pointed to Grady "—footstool." He spaztically began to run around, looking for one, but I yelled for him to stop. "_No_, I mean, _you, footstool_. As in, _you_ will be my _footstool_!"

Grady nodded, frowning with his lip sticking out. He walked over to me, shoulders drooped, and got down on his hands and knees. I propped my feet on his back.

"So," I sighed, folding my hands behind my head, "I was watching TV last night, and saw something really good..."

"You watched _So Random!_?" Sonny asked me, her eyes lighting up as she sat up straighter.

"Ha! _No_!" I laughed. What do you know? She actually is kind of funny. "I was watching a hospital show, and this lady had a really cute baby."

Everyone, even Grady, was looking at me in the most confused way I'd ever seen on their faces... and that's saying something. I sighed and rolled my eyes.

"Um... okay?" Tawni shrugged.

"I wasn't done," I told her curtly. She held her tongue like she always does around me, because she is smart enough to know that if she tells me what she _really_ thinks, she'll be out of here before she can say 'Coco-Moco-Coco'. "I was watching, and it touched my heart." I put my hand to my chest.

"She has a heart?" Zora smirked, whispering it to Nico. He snorted, but stopped immediately when he caught the icy glare from me. I hissed at Zora and she did the same to me. What a freak!

"Like I was _saying_," I continued testily, "it touched my heart. And it got me thinking. How can this miracle of life happen?"

Understanding dawned on their faces, and they exchanged glances that I didn't understand.

"Oh, would you look at the time!" Tawni said suddenly, looking at her sparkly pink watch. "Grady, Nico, Zora? We, uh, have that... thing!"

"Oh, yeah!" Nico said suddenly. He looked at me, laughing nervously as Grady got up and so did the rest of the Randoms except Sonny, who was looking utterly confused. "We, uh, have the uh, the thing!"

"You know, with the place at the time with the thing," Grady stuttered. Before I could say anything, every Random had darted out of the room except for Sonny, who was sitting alone in a chair close to me, looking betrayed and terrified. She flashed a nervous, huge grin in my direction.

"My question was," I continued as if nothing had ever happened, "where—?"

"Hey, Randoms!" came a sudden greeting from the door. I spun around and so did Sonny, and in walked the gorgeous heartthrob, Chad Dylan Cooper. He swaggered in but stopped suddenly, his eyes finding Sonny and then me. "I mean, hey... you two," he said uncomfortably.

"Hi, Chad!" I waved, smiling sweetly at the star. "Take a seat!"

Chad was beginning to answer me, but his eyes drifted over my head and his brows furrowed in confusion. I whipped around to find Sonny shaking her head vigorously with wide eyes, mouthing something to him. She immediately stopped when her eyes met mine, and mine narrowed.

"Um, you know what?" he said suddenly, looking down at his watch. Oh, not this again! "I'm going to pretend that I have a lunch to get to. Oh, look! I have a lunch to get to!" He turned on his heel and started to walk out, but I stopped him. No one is pulling the slip on me again!

"Stop!" I commanded forcefully, and Chad froze. I could tell he was wincing. All kindness was gone from my voice. "Sit. Now."

He slowly turned back around and slowly walked to the chair beside Sonny, scowling.

"I didn't really want to go anyway," he muttered, trying to appease me. Well, his job. Smart boy.

"So, what I was telling Sonny was," I began, "I was watching TV last night, and saw something I thought was really good..."

"You were watching _Mackenzie Falls_," Chad stated, popping his collar with a flashing grin.

"_No_," I seethed, sick of being interrupted, "but that _is_ a really good show." Chad turned to Sonny and smirked. She crossed her arms and huffed. "But what I really was watching was a hospital show with a lady who just had a baby." Sonny winced, knowing what was coming, but Chad was completely lost. I still want to know why everyone is wincing when I bring this up! "And I was wondering, how does this happen?"

"How does _what_ happen?" Chad asked.

I stretched before folding my hands behind my head once again, propping my feet on the table. I smiled smugly. "I'm glad you asked, Chad. I'm glad you asked."

"I'm not," Sonny muttered, burying her head in her hands. Chad watched her, totally at a loss for words with what was going on. I decided to drop the bomb and enlighten him.

"Where do babies come from?" I said, and Chad's feet that he had recently propped up on the table fell to the ground in shock. He coughed a few times, leaning forward in his chair. Sonny whimpered.

"E-excuse me?"

"I want to know where babies come from," I repeated, speaking slower so these two dimwits would actually hear me. "I want to know _how_ they are made!"

"Uh, Dakota," Sonny suggested hesitantly, leaning towards me with a kind smile on her face. She spoke softly, "don't you think this would be a good question to ask your dad?"

"Yeah!" Chad quickly agreed. "This is more of a... um... parents' question."

"I already asked my Daddy..." I mumbled, sad, "he refused to answer me. He said I had to 'wait until I was older'."

"That's not a bad idea," Sonny muttered uncomfortably.

"_I don't care! I wanna know!_" I screamed, and they both jumped back in their chairs. "Tell me!"

"I—I—I can't," she stuttered, blushing madly for some reason.

"Why not? Why does everybody act so weird whenever I mention it? What's wrong with making babies?" Sonny's blush increased more and Chad was glancing from Sonny to the floor, red himself. They both continued to say nothing, scratching their head and rubbing the back of their neck awkwardly, flushing. So, I continued. They must not understand what I'm saying. "Like... I don't know... let's say that you two wanted to have a baby, what would you do? Like, how would you do it?"

Total silence.

Sonny's slid down in her chair, totally humiliated, her face redder than I'd ever seen it before, her eyes shut tight with her mouth a thin line. Chad, on the other hand, was staring at me with his blue eyes as big as dinner plates. Instead of his face being completely red, it was a ghostly white. What is the big deal here?

"Um," Sonny finally squeaked, her head not coming up, "Dakota... I—_we_ can't..."

"Oh you can do it!" I encouraged them, smiling broadly. "Well, at least, you will if you want to keep your jobs."

"That's just evil," Chad shook his head at me.

"Thank you!" I cooed, placing a hand over my heart. "Now, start explaining!"

They both took a deep breath and sighed deeply, and I couldn't help but notice that they refused to make eye contact. I almost felt bad for them... _almost_. Psh, please, that would require _caring_.

"Well," Sonny mumbled, eyes looking directly at me and nowhere else—well, at no _one_ else, "when, um... a man and a... uh... woman _l-love_ each other, sometimes they decide that, uh, they want a baby."

"I know that!" I yelled impatiently. "But _how_ do they do it? I want a baby when I'm a grown up!"

Sonny's hands were apart in front of her and her face grew a darker scarlet (if that was possible). She slowly brought them together, as if that was an explanation. When her hands touched, she flinched as if it caused her pain. I looked to Chad, and his face was completely void of color, watching her hands like me.

"What in the name of Mack Falls does that mean?" I demanded.

"Oh, Dakota, please don't make me do this!" Sonny broke down, begging. I watched her, taken aback almost. I almost _wanted_ to relieve her of this pain, but only for my good. Her and Chad's groveling for words was _really_ starting to get annoying, seriously.

"Dakota!" came another voice from the doorway, and I turned to see my daddy watching the scenario with wide eyes. "What's going on?"

"Oh, nothing," I said quickly, hopping up and rushing over to him, hugging his waist (that was all I could reach). "C'mon, Daddy, let's go to lunch!"

"But it's only 10:30, angel," he countered.

"Then let's get ice cream!"

I was determined to make sure that the subject of babies stayed, well, unmentioned. He might ground me like he did on my birthday! And I'll get sent to the mansion with the _partial_ ocean view! Sometimes, I have a sick man as a father.

"Um, okay," Daddy said uncertainly, letting me drag him off towards the Commissary. Sonny and Chad both know that if they mention this to my daddy, their jobs are as good as gone, so they better keep their mouths shut!

As I ate my strawberry fro yo, I couldn't help but wonder... what was up with all of the blushing? I mean, everyone knows those two are totally in love, but still! So, they broke up. Big whoop. It won't be long. Did that have anything to do with Sonny's red face and Chad's white one? There must be more to this than I think if everyone is acting like it's speaking a taboo.

Maybe I should wait until I'm older.

… Or not.

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**Review, please!**


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